Chapter 5: Breaking Ranks

Breaking Ranks: Letting Go of What Doesn’t Serve You

Sometimes, surviving depression isn’t about what you hold onto — it’s about what you finally release.

It’s the habits, the patterns, the toxic comforts that feel safe but slowly strangle you. It’s the weight of identities you’ve outgrown, the rules you never agreed to, the shame you’ve carried like armor. At some point, staying in formation stops being survival — and breaking ranks becomes the only way forward.

The Courage to Abandon

Lately, I’ve been staring at all the places in my own life where I’ve mistaken endurance for progress. Where I’ve clung to coping mechanisms that numbed more than they healed. Where “just pushing through” wasn’t strength, it was stagnation.

But my therapist keeps reminding me: quitting is not failure. Dropping what drags you down is not weakness. Sometimes, the bravest move is to abandon the battlefield altogether. To say, “This no longer works. I no longer want this.”

It’s terrifying. It’s freeing. It’s both.

Unlearning the Familiar

Depression thrives on repetition — the grooves of self-blame, perfectionism, people-pleasing, overwork. They feel familiar, almost protective. But they also keep us trapped.

Breaking ranks is about unlearning those old drills. It’s stepping out of the predictable march and daring to walk differently. Healing, I’ve learned, isn’t about adding more strategies to the pile.

Sometimes it’s subtraction.

Sometimes it’s saying no.

The Drop List

To make this real, I’ve been keeping what I call a Drop List: the habits, beliefs, and obligations I’m no longer willing to carry. Things like answering emails at midnight, apologizing for needing rest, or chasing people who’ve already walked away.

Each thing I drop makes me lighter. Each refusal is a reclamation. And sometimes, it’s only by dropping what doesn’t serve us that we can make space for what might.

Stepping Out of Line

So maybe this week isn’t about holding your ground. Maybe it’s about walking away. About daring to abandon the fight that’s only wounding you, and trusting that freedom lies in the breaking.

Because sometimes, the most radical act of survival is stepping out of line.

And that’s enough.

Coming Next Week:

Chapter Six: Tactical Retreats
Rest isn’t failure. It’s a strategy. This chapter explores the courage it takes to pause, cancel, set boundaries, and retreat—without shame.

Join the Community
Follow along on Instagram @imsadbutimtryingpod, and on TikTok and YouTube at @imsadbutimtrying
Or send your own dispatch at imsadbutimtrying.com

With love from the trenches,
Still sad. Still trying.